some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
