I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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