She is in my trunk
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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