I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
