i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He? As in you personified your dick?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
