Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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