His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
