Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
