i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
