Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
