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I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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