ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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