Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
