No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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