NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
