I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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