i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The struggles of a small town man whore
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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