I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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