just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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