i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
