Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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