it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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