Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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