I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
