He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
