Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
