I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
