i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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