if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
