So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
