So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
