R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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