You work out of a Hotel?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
