Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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