Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
