Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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