If i come over, it means nothing
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Randomize
