Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
