Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Randomize
