These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
