is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
