two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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