don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
