I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
