why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm like, not good at living.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
