You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
