she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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