If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
