the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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