So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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