I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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