All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
