you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
