I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
