Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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